Making Mountains out of Molehills
How do you come down from the highest point you've ever reached in your running career?
Answer: occasionally, by doing a little crash landing.
After a week of down time and recovery from the LA Trials, I am feeling very much that I crash-landed. Hello, welcome to earth, where you can't lay around all day and bask in the sunlight. You've got work to do- job, writing, updating, revising, re-imagining, refocusing. You have to catch up on sleep, catch up with the world, get back to work. Vacation is over.
"Nostalgia is also a dangerous form of comparison. Think about how often we compare our lives to a memory that nostalgia has so completely edited that it never really existed." - Brene Brown.
I don't mean to say here that I am ungrateful, or disappointed, or saddened by the passing of the LA Trials. I am rather thrilled by the results of the race, and seek to use that feeling to motivate me moving forward. I want to carry positive emotions in the coming months of training to use as fuel against doubts or imperceptions that might rear their heads along the way. I want to use the happiness of my past race to light the fire for future feelings.
I am sitting down this week looking at several months of intensive training for track season. Coupled with a growing focus on my job as a tutor and growing my role in the company I work for, this means a continuation of many habits I cultivated before the LA Marathon, as well as adding or tweaking some new ones. Look! There it is...the little snaggle of worries popping its ugly head up. I let it get a foot in the door, now I have to confront its existence. Not by allowing any doubts to take root and grow like weeds in a sidewalk, but instead, plant them in my windowbox and keep them there, to watch over and reassure that it's okay, you don't have to be a doubt anymore.
Spring is coming. This means focusing on hydration, nutrition, and sleep. It means higher intensity track sessions, attention to recovery, actually foam rolling/icing/massaging/stretching. It means planning time to prepare for student tutor sessions, accenting my work with my own personality and input, and collaborating with a team of interested tutors. It means, for me, paying attention to details without losing sight of the bigger picture.
It means being honest and open with those I love about my process, and sharing this journey with them. It means facing and confronting fears about continuing to progress- was that shining moment it? Answer: No. I have a new opportunity in a new season to define myself, but more importantly, savor progress. After all, what is running but an ongoing series of steps- physical, mental and emotional ones?
It means defining what I want to achieve. What do I want to accomplish by July 1st, 2016? What experiences do I want to have, and create?
The Olympic Trials Marathon was a pinnacle moment for me (read here). It was a deeply personal, fulfilling experience - one which redefined me as a runner, and redefined my purpose. It gave me hope, and it gave me a taste of the thrill of reaching a new level. I drank the Koolaid - I want more. I want to see what else I can achieve. The journey is only just beginning, and that means a tremendous amount of hope, with courage required to begin.
It's an interesting transition to be standing on the top of a mountain to be facing the uphill of a new one. All the old fears- will I be sure in my recovery? Am I ready to take this on? What if I screw up immediately and blow the whole season? - resurface. I don't fear that starting line, but I admit, I struggle to beat back those fears. If I let them stew for too long, they start to overtake the path like big grey clouds, and then I have to face starting out in a thunderstorm when I'd rather begin on a nice sunny day.
I think every runner- and even maybe everyone- can comprehend on some level the way small fears can become monstrous. I constantly have to work to fight those fears, even when I can sit and say to myself, hey, we've had this conversation about 1,000 times before. In this new season, however, I don't want to have to look back to comfort myself that I can overcome fears, but instead, cultivate my hope and joy in facing challenges that may lie ahead. I want to train to be forward-looking, goal-seeking, risk-taking. Sure, my goals may be very ambitious, but that doesn't mean I won't be doing everything I can to reach them.
"Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead." - Louisa May Alcott